The History: 

Since Elizabethan times it has been a widely help belief that Tarragon (plural "Tarragon") is a herb when in fact it is actually a small, ground level hunting, carnivorous, mainly nocturnal creature about the size of a large Spanish onion.

The underlying reason for this misunderstanding (or misleading of the population) has been fully researched and after many years should be brought the knowledge of the general public. The truth is not for the faint-hearted. Read on only if you are willing to accept the unacceptable.

The body of the Tarragon creature is covered in what first appears to be feathers but on closer inspection proves to be a fine fluffy fur resembling the  fun fur  of modern-day night-dress cases. The fur, known as  floss  extends roughly half way down the two rear legs. The front two legs are totally devoid of hair and are protected by shell like covering similar to that of a crab. The rear legs have stubby but well padded feet with slight webbing between the three toes enabling the animal to move with surprising rapidity across the forest floor and in extreme circumstances, up a rough barked tree. Its climbing ability is greatly enhanced by the three bony finger-like extensions of the forelegs

Tarragon possess extremely acute senses of hearing and smell and although almost hopelessly blinded by daylight has sensitive night vision on which it relies to stalk and prey on insects and small rodents. Its cute appearance of belies its true nature as the razor sharp teeth and strong jaws are amongst the wonders of the animal world and it will fight with amazing tenacity and speed.

Tarragon have for many years been a vital ingredient in a vast number of fine recipes, notably Pork and Tarragon Pie, a particular favourite of Queen Elizabeth I. It was her penchant for the dish that led her one morning to the castle's massive kitchen complex, an area hitherto graced with her presence. The area was considered too grim for a lady of breeding and it had taken her some considerable cajoling and tantrum throwing to squeeze the location from her ageing companion, Nanny Bulwark.

On hearing of her imminent arrival the kitchen staff fell into uproar, running hither and thither, tidying and scrubbing, scraping and sweeping, mopping and slopping - all in an attempt to create order amongst the greasy pots and pans and heaps of vegetables, both fresh and not so fresh. Miraculously, by the time the queen entered the hellishly hot chambers all seemed under control and an almost fit place for the fineries and ruffles of the visiting dignitary. An ox was roasting on a spit, a plum pudding was gently bubbling and a freshly slaughtered pig being prepared for the very dish that had prompted her visit. Chef stood smiling in a nearly clean apron and the scullions banished to the darkest recesses.

The Queen appeared puzzled by the unaccustomed utensils but having a basic grasp of the culinary arts (and the cost of running such a venture) was surprised and a little dismayed to see a large cauldron of boiling water being kept hot over a roaring fire. The pot contained no ingredient other that the water. Having inquired the reason for this an innocent kitchen boy piped up

"That's fer yer Tarragon, Ma'am"

As he spoke, he produced from underneath a nearby table a tightly tied net containing half a dozen or so of the squirming creatures, all mewling pitifully whilst still clumsily attempting to bite through threads which held them captive.

Wishing only to impress his monarch, and hoping to become a trainee chef in the shortest fullness of time, he followed the age-old method of Tarragon preparation and plunged the net directly into the boiling liquid.

So shocked and horrified was the Queen that she promptly fainted in a heap of frilled finery.

Nanny Bulwark, a clutch of ladies in waiting and a couple of nearby meat porters quickly arranged for the Queen to be carried to her bedchamber where she promptly received treatment from Doctor Chadblaster.

When the Queen recovered sufficiently Nanny Bulwark assured her that the heat of boiling vegetables had simply overcome her, causing her to swoon in a ladylike manner, befitting of her status and station in life.

"Now, now my pretty" crooned Nanny, "I warned you about that nasty place."

Although it took several hours of soothing talk, cold compresses to the forehead and a variety of sweet-meats, the Queen was finally convinced that what she had seen was simply a bag of vegetables being prepared in water by a rather stupid kitchen boy who was weak in the head and not worth a second thought. This heartened the Queen although she still felt curiosity.

"But what is this Tarragon if not a creature?" she asked earnestly.

Thinking quickly Doctor Chadblaster replied

"'Tis a herb, my lady, as grown in your own castle gardens."

Not doubting her good doctor's word the Queen said

"Then I am satisfied. Tarragon is a herb. I have no doubt of that now - you have comforted my mind good Doctor - but should any creature ever be treated in that horrific manner I would treat all concerned similarly."

And so it came about that Tarragon, from that day forth, has been classed as a herb of the garden by Royal Decree. Even today, much mystery surrounds the ancient art by way of which Tarragon is dried and crumbled to resemble that leaf-like preparation sold in jars and packets.

There are no records regarding the fate of the keen but foolish kitchen boy and not surprisingly, maybe, no records of any chefs or trainees requesting employment for many years after.

1) Hunting

To hunt the animal one should prepare with stout boots and gloves for protection against the teeth and claws and be armed with a lidded (preferably wooden) contained and a strong piece of netting about forty five inches in diameter.

Next, it is necessary to venture as quietly as possibly into heavily wooded forest area, no later that half an hour after dawn's first light. By stealth and observation one may see Tarragon burrows between the roots of a large tree. (Oaks are particularly popular.) These burrows are where the Tarragon will rapidly return after a night's hunting before daylight renders them helpless.

The piece of netting should be placed loosely over the entrance to the burrow and on the approach of a Tarragon a sharp noise (e.g. handclap, shrill whistle) should be made which will cause the startled animal to bolt for its burrow. The unsuspecting creature thus becomes ensnared in the netting. Speed is of the essence in gather up the corners of the net and depositing the disorientated creature in the holding container. Great care should be taken transferring the catch to the secure vessel as when panicked, its reactions quicken and it uses all its speed and rapidity to escape and can cause vicious injuries to the captor in the process.

2) Preparation - first stage

When ready to prepare the Tarragon, the contents of the container (no more that six Tarragon) are transferred back into the net. This usually causes fewer problems as the brighter daylight adversely affects their sight and they become somewhat disorientated. However, it is still wise to take the precaution of wearing gloves during the process.

A large pan of boiling water should be ready and the entire net of creatures plunged into it. This rather gruesome method of despatch actually causes instant death without damage to the body. After ten seconds in the boiling water, the net should be lifted and deposited into another container of chilled water. After a further ten seconds, the net should be lifted out and untied quickly and the still intact animals spread out to drain on soft cotton cloths.

3) Preparation - second stage

Once drained of excess water, the floss and skin normally falls away easily from the carcass. The floss and skin are of little use and should be discarded. The bony outer covering of the forelegs should also be discarded. Internal bones present no problem as the boiling water method of despatch renders them as edible as the rest of the meat.

The next stages of preparation depend on the eventual use, either meat or desiccation.

3a) Meat

If being prepared to use as a meat dish the flesh and bones can either be finely chopped or minced and added to other meat - such as pork - or made into small patties suitably spiced to taste.

3b) Desiccation

The de-flossed and de-clawed carcass should be placed directly on the oven shelf and left for six to eight hours on the coolest setting. Once fully dried, the carcass should be pounded by pestle and mortar or with a rolling pin then stored in suitable airtight jars away from strong odours and light so as to preserve the delicate flavour.

4) Alternative preparation method

There are other methods of preparation, one of which involves despatching the animal by a swift blow to the base of the skull with a small instrument like a toffee hammer. However, unless this is carried out by an expert it cause untold damage to the delicate flavour and produce the most pathetic squeals from the unfortunate creature should the blow not reach its destination with pinpoint accuracy. There is also the danger of damage to the despatchers hands, both from the Tarragon and the hammer.

5) Other reading

For fuller culinary details of Tarragon preparation I would suggest you refer to "The Kitchen Art Revival" - a recently updated collection of many old recipes and tips by the celebrated writer Sabatier Blade and published by Rice Papers & Spoons Co in both soft and hardback copy.

A literary work of interest is the historic but little known "Ye smalle animalls and theyr uses". Sadly it is not possible to obtain a reprint and an original may be very hard to locate. The author, Peabody Simmer, fell foul of Queens Elizabeth I's henchmen by publicly decrying the "rumour" that Tarragon was a herb.Although the details are somewhat sketchy it seems Peabody was set as an example by being plunged bodily, tied in fishing net, into a cauldron of boiling water.

The following articles may also be of interest. All are published as reproductions by Upp, Chuck and Chunder and may be ordered from any reputable bookstore or borrowed from the public library.

"Rabbit Eggs, the Myths and the Facts" by Warren Burroughs

"Stick Insects and Yesteryear's Iron Deficiency" by Privet and Ferrous

"New Ways with Old Tripe" from a collection by The School Dinner Authority

"Recycling Leftover Refried Beans" by Tex Flatulator

"The Fridge Frog" by Grimmit and Frost